An Introspection

Mental disorder and physical illness that can cause, in varying degrees, from controlled state to chronic pains and handicaps. The blogger finds it a blessing to have friends who are suffering either one or both. Some are very dear to his heart and others acquaintances. The understanding of their problems is invaluable for the blogger to survive and live.

One of his beloved friend passed away nearly twenty years ago. The blogger was younger and very innocent, uninformed and a little child in heart. He had always cared and was loved. In his mid thirties he did not know what love is but he always cared as, which he gradually understands with years, it was only nature. He would visit his skeletal friend at the hospital or, if not hospitalized, they would have tea tarik (local tea with milk) at roadside stall. A few days before his friend passed away, he told him he loved him, fraternally. No cries, no devastation, the blogger attended his funeral and continued his life without seeing his closest friend again.

In 2005, his mother was diagnosed cancer. He took her to the hospital admissions or appointments. He would buy anything she wanted to eat, fresh and hot from any restaurant. There were a few times he reminded her how much he loved her. It was nearly 10 years later since his best pal's funeral, but he was still very mum with love. He could not utter that word freely. 6 months later his mother passed away. No cries, no devastation. His life continued without his mother, together whom loved each other very much.

In 2010, his brother had a heart attack. Unlike in the past, the blogger was not as fervent as before, as his visits to the hospital, where his vegetative brother was tended for 2-3 weeks, were far from impressive. He was taken home, the father's, as there were nothing else hospitalization can do. For 9 months he was vegetative and helpless. It was the most trying time for every one in the family. Before this mishap and in a few occasions, the blogger expressed his profound care to his brother and his family. In 2011, 9 months of grief and pains did not go away after his death. But, no cries.

As much mental torments including his own as he had suffered, has to suffer, giving and forgiving is the deserving skills to survival. He has been very fortunate not living in physical encumbrances. He is determined to remain possessive of the disciplines he believed brings physical and mental health and fitness. Self-possession is mandatory.

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